Single at 30, 40, 50: who’s afraid of being alone?

Single at 30, 40, 50: who's afraid of being alone?

Face life at any moment and learn to live in the company of yourself

Being single: sometimes we get there because of our conscious choice; sometimes, however, it happens to experience this situation because of a decision of another. Either way, it can turn into a painful spiral that is difficult to resolve.

We live with regret, looking for replacements or to blame, feeling the weight of loneliness more and more heavy. In times like these, there is a clear feeling that the more you think about love, the farther away the love seems to be.

40-year crisis

It concerns almost everyone, men and women. The Forties mark a threshold, turning it into another chapter of life. As it happens with large cycles, you take stock, you want to take stock. It is often near this important anniversary that we choose to stay where we are or to break with a past in which we no longer reflect ourselves; to give strength to the couple with a new project, to have a child or to break up. You can register los contactos gay.

When it comes to relationships, it is common to warn that generally, from the age of thirty, the urge and the need to build a life together become stronger. This does not necessarily mean wanting children, although for a woman the time consciousness, linked to fertility, often becomes the unbearable ticking of a biological clock that condemns and adds further frustration to being single.

But the forty years can also become the springboard to start a new life and it is important to remember that sometimes transformation comes from pain: from great suffering, from a break-up or from a bad period. This happens when we know how to use pain as a lesson from which to draw inspiration to understand our true needs and implement awareness.

Taking stock is honestly admitting what is wrong, what does not make us happy enough. This is why frustration, which we often do all we can to eliminate, is on the contrary an uncomfortable but sincere friend, a voice which comes from the depths of our inner world and which can be extremely useful, if we know how to do it. face with courage.

The key to action? Knowing that we deserve it. We deserve to live happily, we deserve to smile, we deserve to be surrounded by those who can show us great and constructive love.

Are you hungry? What a desperate need for love

Montse Barderi, Catalan writer and journalist, thus authorizes the reflection of his book If it hurts is not love (Feltrinelli Editore) and tells the story of a mechanism that we know very well deep down: “The dependence on someone. ‘one who does not like you with the fullest means as if you are missing something essential, as if you are still hungry and thirsty: do you feel transformed into a person in need, that you have fallen into the poverty, that you have become a beggar of affection? Think what a pity: to feel so needy, with all the abilities, possibilities, incredible opportunities that the present has in store for you! “. Why not dating online to discover your perfect match?

When the other is absent from the relationship, it is easy to experience this change by attributing the blame for our unhappiness to the outside: someone takes something away from us, deprives us of the possibility of being nurtured, of experiencing and give love. Here is the mistake, because no one can give us or take away the possibility of feeling love, anyway.

Passion and love, in their freest and limitless forms, are an electric current that flows through you and lights up from within. It floods everything we do, it spreads to the whole world.

This awareness, which in places of the world like India has led to the development of ancient disciplines like Tantra, when it empties of its meaning, then makes us poor, alone in the world, beggars in search of a completeness that can only happen from the other. Without thinking that in reality we are already full.

The writer Montse Barderi reminds us that love is, or rather is used, as the great antidote to empty life. The big challenge is to regain a taste for existence knowing that our life, after all, belongs only to ourselves. We dealt with existence long before we were a couple and will continue to do so, even alone.