Midlife crisis face it like this

Midlife crisis face it like this

It is an inevitable and tiring stage of existence. But preparation is possible. With the indications and advice that a scholar used to heal himself and his illness above all

Studies show: Over the course of life, the personal well-being curve has a “U” shape, the negative peak of which manifests itself in the middle of life. The same result was found in the moods of other primates, which makes us think of a biologically inevitable mental slowdown. In fact, the precise moment at which this occurs is controversial. “The end of youth is progressing more and more in time, today we accept the idea of ​​having reached the average age on average at 45 years”, observes the philosopher Kieran Setiya, professor at MIT in Boston. “But the present is also a time that exposes us to regret already at 30, because today we have such a variety of options that we have to give up more things and more often from an early age.”

In short, the crisis arrives when it arrives, but to prepare us for the fateful rendezvous, Setiya analyzed his personal “storm” and from his considerations Midlife was born, a philosophical guide a book in which he proposes solutions to alleviate the unease existential. The most efficient? “To focus on the present, without paying attention to either the past or the future, and entrust our inner balance to aimless activities, rather than making it dependent on the continued completion of projects which, when completed, leave a terrible feeling of vacuum “. You can find new friends in www.topincontrigay.com.

Tell us about your experience. When did the crisis start?

“In the USA, the academic career is a dense sequence of objectives, for 10 years publishing articles and organizing courses is my whole life. I had some exciting times, but around the age of 35 I started to feel claustrophobic. The thought of continuing to do the same things for the rest of my life baffled me. For some, this would have been the opportunity to change everything, but my nature as a philosopher leads me to find meaning rather than act. So I took a step back and observed my existence. I wanted to understand what is behind this dissatisfaction that is felt even when personal and professional life is going well, as in my case ”.

If there are no concrete problems, what is the trigger for the discomfort?

“At the root of everything is our attachment to life. Sooner or later the awareness that we are not immortal becomes concrete. A crucial mental passage that prompts us to take stock of the past and cast a shadow over the future. Realizing that the choices made in the past are almost final, and that the many options we had years ago are now all closed, makes us judge our lives as mediocre if not a failure. Certainly, a painful personal history can aggravate the crisis: shipwrecked marriages, loneliness, frustrating jobs and health problems destroy recklessness and confidence in what lies ahead ”. you can sift through gay personals.

Today you are 42 years old, what has changed in you during these seven years of inner journey?

“I understood that living in pursuit of one project after another condemns us to lasting instability, because it means making our well-being dependent on an end which by its nature, once reached, is extinguished. leaving us a void. This makes us more vulnerable to the crisis, not to mention the fundamental projects (having a child, buying a house, getting a good position), are concentrated in the first half of life, making the second insignificant. From here I grasped the importance of aimless activities, in philosophy they are called “atelic” activities, they instill in us a balance without expiration and whatever phase of life we ​​are in, like passing time with friends, a relationship that is not made up of goals to be achieved but of pleasant and fulfilling moments.

Does this mean that in order not to suffer from the crisis, you have to give up dreaming?

“It is not about that, but about shifting the focus to the process, that is, we have to value the atelic activities that we do on the path to a goal. While I was working on my book two years ago, for example, the goal of getting it published had become less central than the pleasure of being able to devote time and energy to the philosophy that was the subject of my book. . An attitude that not only concerns big projects but also small daily tasks. Preparing dinner for your children or putting them to bed should not be understood as so many mini-tasks to accomplish, but as precious moments to live with your children, an atelic activity that gives us satisfaction for a lifetime ”.